Return to Work

Now that my treatments are over, and I am beginning to get back to "normal" life again, I have to think about my return to work. My feelings about this.....definitely not excitement....more anxiety and nervousness.

One reason I'm a bit anxious about starting work again is that I'm afraid I'll fall back into the same busy busy routine I had before my cancer diagnosis. I was working crazy hours, dancing quite a bit and pretty much didn't have much time to take care of myself. I always ate out, hardly ever had time to cook anything (and wasn't really motivated to cook). I didn't get to sleep enough as I would get home late on many nights, or end up doing work before I went to bed. And I was under a lot of stress with so many things going on and with the demands of work.

Now that I've had a chance to take a step back and re-evaluate my life, I've realized that I had my priorities all wrong! I feel like this diagnosis was meant to be a wake up call for me. A slap in the face and a "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF?!?!?"

But I was just doing what so many other people do. I wanted to work hard so that I can earn more money and be "successful". I found it hard to say no and just kept adding things onto my plate....getting caught up in the busy lifestyle which was not exactly the best lifestyle for my health.

Another thing that makes me nervous about going back to work is the fact that I've been out of work since September! Will I remember what I'm supposed to do or all the technical stuff? Will I be able to handle the workload when I go back since I've been out of it for so long? I'm sure they'll re-train me, but its still a bit of a scary thought.

I've been going to this "Return to Work" session at Wellspring which has been really great! There is a small group of us in this 8 week session, and it feels intimate and very supportive. We all get to discuss what we've been through and how much its affected us (which I realized is more than I thought). We share our fears and concerns, and then we get some excellent advice from the others. Its nice to know that there are other people out there thinking the same things as I am, and that its not just me going crazy!

I'm getting a little more prepared mentally to get back to work. But in the meantime, very much enjoying having the time to really take care of myself these days! I just hope I can keep it up once things start to get a bit more busy.